Stoner Sex: Rekindling Old Flames, Suicidal Thoughts, Jealousy & Period Sex

Dear Hyapatia,
I love my girlfriend very much, and sex with her is some of the best sex I have ever had. She is wild and passionate all in one. I don’t want to be gross or anything, but my girlfriend wants to have sex at all times… if you know what I mean. I personally do not like to have sex when it is “that time of the month.” She takes this personally. I have tried to explain that I have never enjoyed that with any of my girlfriends. She understands that but wants our relationship to be different. I just don’t want to and don’t think I physically would be able to even if I tried. Why is she so hung up on this? — Kyle

Dear Kyle,
I have no idea why she is so hung up on this. I do not get it. I am with you, personally. I have never enjoyed sex then, and I have found most guys are happy to wait. I don’t believe there is anything medically unsafe about it, but to me, there is no reason to rush things. Waiting can make it that much better when you finally get to do it. Just explain to her that you would rather show her your love in other ways at that time.

Dear Hyapatia,
My boyfriend and I broke up about four months ago, and I have missed him ever since. I know what I did wrong: he has a business and I did not see it as a business, I just saw it as a distraction and I thought it was coming between us. I now realize that he had a job that he was serious about. It is not easy to find guys who take their jobs seriously. How can I show him that I have grown since then and that I realize what I had now and how good he was to me? I know we never know what we have till it is gone, and that is the truth. As far as I know, he is not seeing anyone else yet. — Sorry in Texas

Dear Sorry,
It is really hard to say if he is going to be willing to try again with you. All you can do is let him know that you are wiser now and that you would like to try again if he is willing. The best way to do this is to level with him. Even if you cannot sit down and talk to him about it, you may be able to send him a card to explain how you feel. That lets him have time to think it over before he responds and is much more personal than a text. You won’t know for sure until you try, so go for it—just don’t have any expectations. 

Dear Hyapatia
I love my boyfriend very much. He is the love of my life, but I don’t know how to deal with his over-reactive mood swings. He found out his plants got root rot, and he was literally suicidal. I know root rot is a big deal, but suicidal over root rot is a bit extreme. How can I get him to chill out and take it easy, without smoking all of the weed we have left? — Brit

Dear Brit,
I have felt suicidal over root rot, but with Aqua Shield and many other fine products to the rescue, there is no need for bloodshed. If you have your back against the wall with bills, and your crop is your only hope of keeping your head above water, it can get pretty serious, I know. Smart planning, diversification (have several crops staggered for harvest at different times) and some ‘know how’ can save your financial ass and your relationship. My advice is to show him how you love him, give him some good sex, a nice fatty and be patient, and (hopefully) he will treat you the same way when you are having your next catastrophe.

Dear Hyapatia,
My girlfriend is crazy jealous. I don’t know where she gets these ideas, but she thinks I am coming on to all the girls I deal with. That is just nuts. I try telling her I can only deal with one woman at a time. She has my hands full. She doesn’t get it though. What can I do to prove to her I am not cheating, I have never cheated and I don’t plan on cheating, besides, the obvious of not cheating? — Mike

Dear Mike,
Some people just seem to never be satisfied. Many of them are cheaters themselves. Others are just super insecure. I think you should give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she is very insecure. She may be thinking that she is not as pretty as these other girls or something. You can only point out the things you like about her and how much more these things mean to you than whatever she thinks these other girls have over her. Point out her past and present successes and help her to celebrate them so that she can see how great she is and how much you value her.

Ask Hyapatia all of your questions regarding stoner sexuality. Email her at
Last Week’s Stoner Sex: Big Dreams, Small Dicks, Dry Spells & Bottoming from the Top


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