Stoner Sex: Lazy Lovers, Single Ladies, Vets & Poppin’ Pills

Dear Hyapatia,
My guy and I get high all the time. When we have sex, he has a hard time staying awake. I think he smokes too much weed. If we waited until after sex to smoke, he wouldn’t be so tired and such a lazy lover. As soon as he comes, he falls asleep. I want to snuggle a bit and talk about things. How can I get him to wait until after sex to smoke and fall asleep? — Jenny

Dear Jenny,
If he is resistant to waiting until after sex to smoke, try smoking a sativa strain before sex. That may help considerably. If it doesn’t, try smoking half a joint before sex, and save the other half for after. It is not fair to expect you to please him and not to be there for you. Having said that, there are many guys who act like this without ever having smoked any weed at all. He may simply need to be enlightened about sexual manners and respect. Try talking to him earlier in the day when he is wide awake and explain how you feel. Many women have the same complaint. 

Dear Hyapatia,
I don’t have a boyfriend. I have been single for about three months. I am getting kinda desperate. I don’t like to be alone, and this is about the longest I have gone without a boyfriend or sex. Any suggestions? — Candy

Dear Candy,
It seems that when one is looking for a lover, they can get hooked up with some of the biggest losers out there. Try not to look for someone, just let it happen naturally. I know that is easier said than done, but concentrate on getting to know yourself. What do you like to do in your spare time besides get high? Where do you want to go? What do you want to see? What things do you enjoy? This is one of the few times in your life when you will be able to concentrate on just you and what you want and not others. In the process, you may find a nice guy who is enjoying the same things by himself. I think this is one of the best ways to meet someone and you get to know yourself better in the process. A good sex toy can be a girl’s best friend, in the mean time!

Dear Hyapatia,
I am a veteran of the Iraq war. I am very concerned about all that is going on over there now. I am afraid we are going to end up with more troops back over there. With all this going on in my head, sex is impossible. I am too worried about the world to be able to let go and enjoy it, I guess. I don’t usually smoke every day, but lately, I have been. My girlfriend doesn’t really like my increased usage because it costs us more money. She says she is willing to go with a little less sex in order to save money. I don’t know how to explain this to her, but I just can’t slow down now, sex or not. Too much is going on. I have been so depressed, but you know how the VA is, no chance of seeing anyone soon. Am I just being weak and this dependence on weed just psychological? It isn’t about the sex anymore, really, although that release is more and more necessary. — G. I. Joe

Dear G. I. Joe,
Don’t worry about your consumption. You are going through hell right now worrying about your brothers and sisters in arms and what you have already been through. This is a time for you to help yourself. You can’t help others, like your girlfriend, etc., until you help yourself. I wish the government would pay for your weed for you. That is one expense I wouldn’t mind my tax dollars going toward. Have you considered growing your own? Just know that you have a whole country behind you and we got your back. I am sure if your girlfriend knew how you felt, she would back you up too. Just let her know that smoking weed is helping things besides sex like nothing else can. Your mind is very important and to calm it, imperative. Keep in mind that doctors would prescribe pharmaceuticals that are made from the plants God gave us. Instead of keeping them in their original form, they isolate the ingredients they believe are the most active and leave ones that they can’t find a use for behind.  When they concentrate the “active” ingredients and leave out others, they increase the risk of negative side effects. Native Americans have always believed that the Teaching Plants had special gifts to be unlocked by people in need. Instead of disrespecting and dissecting them, they should be taken as a whole. You might consider this when weighing the benefits of pills over pot.   

Dear Hyapatia,
My girlfriend likes to drink a lot. I don’t. I wish she wouldn’t drink so much, but I have tried for a long time to get her to stop or slow down and that just doesn’t seem to be an option for her. The only good thing is that she is very sexual when she drinks. We have had some great times, but I am really worried now because she is starting to do pills on a pretty regular basis. I mean, every weekend. I know this is a bad combination, and I have tried to tell her, but she never listens to me. I wish she would just stick with weed. How can I get her to stop this dangerous behavior? — Sam

Dear Sam,
Suggest to her that she do either the pills or drink, but not both at the same time.  Tell her that you understand she wants to feel good (she is probably self-medicating for a reason), but you don’t want to lose her. She should appreciate your concern and hopefully will act accordingly. It is better for her to smoke stronger herb and to smoke more frequently, if you can get her to do that instead. Talk to her about it; ask her if there is something giving her a hard time. It could be any number of things, and you might never know if you don’t ask. She may have been trying to bury and ignore it for so long that it may take a few minutes for her to put her finger on it. Once you know what the true problem is, then you can help her with it better.  If she won’t open up, you can still help her by keeping her safe and asking her not to drink with the pills.

Ask Hyapatia all of your questions regarding stoner sexuality. Email her at
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