Stoner Sex: Curved Dicks, Hormones, STDs & the Best Blow Jobs Ever

Dear Hyapatia,
My boyfriend’s dick curves. It’s like someone put a joint in their pocket, and it got all bent. This makes it uncomfortable for me. I don’t know if he was just born this way or if something made it curve. I have never seen that before. How can I make it not hurt so much? — Stacy

Dear Stacy,
A curved dick really isn’t that rare. Lots of guys have it. I think some are born that way, some curve because of the way they jack off, but there are many ways to make it work to your advantage. For example, it can curve right onto your g-spot and make you go crazy! Try different positions to find the ones that work best for you. Don’t forget reverse cowgirl, on top of him facing his feet. That is one that usually works well for many women. 

Dear Hyapatia,
My lady used to be horny all the time. We did it in every room of the house, inside, outside and in between. Now, she isn’t that into sex as much anymore. The only difference is that she is now on birth control pills. Now, she is moody and smokes more weed than I can provide. Could this be affecting her sex drive? Or is it something I’m doing wrong? I can’t understand why things are so different now. — Mike

Dear Mike,
Yes, birth control pills can affect sex drive. They are made of hormones, and it is the hormones that make us horny, or not. Those hormones can change one’s personality. They really control us, men and women. Of course, it could also be that she is just tired, or perhaps you are not getting along as well as before. All of these things can inhibit sex drive. You will have to do a bit of homework to find out which one it is causing the low sex drive. If you think it is the birth control pills, you could talk it over and decide on another method that doesn’t involve messing up your lady’s hormones.

Dear Hyapatia,
My new boyfriend is great. We get along really good and everything. He smokes the hell out of some weed, just like me. I have a question though. He has some bumps on his dick, and I asked him about them and he said they were nothing. I am worried that they are warts, or something,  and he is going to give me genital warts. How can I make him feel comfortable but protect myself too? — Trisha

Dear Tish,
There are many things these bumps could be other than warts. If you haven’t been able to examine them and diagnosis for yourself what you think they are, I would err on the side of caution. You could use a condom and that would protect you really well. This will also protect you from any STDs, not that he has any, and it will keep you from getting pregnant. So, I would skip the uncomfortable conversation and inspection and just go for the condom. If he really wanted to reassure you, he could take you to a doctor’s appointment with him and have a doctor look at the bumps and make a proper diagnosis.

Dear Hyapatia,
My girlfriend and I have a great relationship, and we have been together for a while. We grow together, smoke together and live together. Life is beautiful, but it could be a bit better. You see, she is uncomfortable with oral sex. She doesn’t like to give it. How can I make it more enjoyable for her? I don’t want her to think this is a chore she must perform, so usually, we skip the oral and go right to fucking. I can live without, no problem, but if it could be better for her, I would be even happier. — Caleb

Dear Caleb,
There are several tricks she can try to make it easier and more enjoyable for her. If she likes honey or chocolate, put some on your cock and let her lick it off. She can take a warm sip of tea, hold it in her mouth, and then let you feel the inside of her warm, wet mouth. Anything she likes the taste of will help both of you. Be careful though, don’t put anything hot on your cock; it is very sensitive and can be burned very easily. What feels OK to your fingers and tongue may be too hot for your dick.

Ask Hyapatia all of your questions regarding stoner sexuality. Email her at
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