Stoner Sex: Passing Out Before Pulling Out, Road Trips & Bad Bed Behavior

Dear Hyapatia,
I am very happy with my relationship with my boyfriend. I have no complaints. He takes care of me, in and out of bed, and I have a great time with him. He is fun to be around and makes love like an expert. Sometimes he falls asleep right away after sex. That is fine with me, he makes sure I cum before he does. I let him lay there for a while on top of me. It feels nice to know he feels he can fall asleep on me. After a while though, he starts snoring, or I get tired of the weight, or I get tired of having his dick in me and I roll him off of me. It isn’t hard, he is light weight. So why am I writing? I just was wondering why he does this. Is this very common? Have other women had their guys fall asleep after sex while still inside? I am concerned that there might be something wrong with him, like the beginning of narcolepsy or something. Or am I just worrying about nothing? — Atisha

Dear Atisha,
I have heard of this fairly frequently. Not all guys do it, but I personally have had it happen with a couple of different guys. I think it has to do with several things. In the situations where it happened with me, one of the guys had been drinking fairly heavily and I think that contributed to him passing out before pulling out. The second time was with a guy who had been working hard all day on a construction site, so he was pretty tired and worn out from work before we even got started. I would take it as a compliment that he feels that close and comfortable with you.

Dear Hyapatia,
We have this great van, and we are seeing the country and camping in the van.  It is awesome and I highly (pun intended) recommend it. My lady is cool as hell. She is up for anything. I really appreciate her going with me on this trip of a lifetime. We started out in Colorado to get a good stash for our tour. Since then, we have been living the high life. I have only one concern. There are states that aren’t so cool about smoking weed, and we are going through them. My lady gets stoned and forgets we have to be cool. She hits the pipe when there are other cars around and passes it high in the air so everyone else can see. I don’t want to get pissy with her and ruin the mood, but I don’t want to get busted either. I have mentioned this to her several times, and she cools it for a while, then forgets and we are back where we were before. How can I get her to remember this without being all shitty? — Doug

Dear Doug,
OK, first thing in the morning, before the wake and bake, sit her down and tell her you have something on your mind that has been bothering you and you are very concerned about it. You have a bad feeling, and you don’t want your fears to come true. Now that you have her attention, tell her how you are afraid you are going to get busted in some po-dunk town in a red-neck state and ruin not only your trip but the next several years of your life. Tell her you don’t think you should be smoking while driving, and if you do, it should only be on the highway away from other people or in a spot that is safe, like in a parking lot away from everyone. Hopefully, that will wake her up and get through to her in a way that will stay in her mind. Your trip sounds great and like lots of fun. It’s something everyone should do if they can. But don’t let anyone ruin it by getting busted, hurt feelings or not, bottom line.

Dear Hyapatia,
I know you’re not supposed to be able to be addicted to weed, but I think my girlfriend is. When we are having sex, she wants to stop to smoke a joint! I mean, we are just changing positions or going from giving head to sex, and she wants to stop and smoke weed! I like getting high too, just like the next guy, but hey, in the middle of sex? WTF? — Julian

Dear Julian,
I’m with you. I never heard of anyone doing that! There must be something else to it. Maybe she is uncomfortable during sex. I think this is a stalling tactic or a way to help her do something she is uneasy with. I would ask her if she has ever had a bad sexual experience and perhaps that would explain her behavior. Then, you could take it slow, tell her you can stop anytime, and mean it. I hate it when guys say, “Let me put it in just once,” but it never is just once. If she feels uncomfortable and wants to stop, stop. She will love you and trust you for it, and it will help her to give to you completely when she feels more comfortable. She may even want to think about counseling. On the other hand, it is possible that it is something you are doing that she doesn’t like but is too shy to speak up about. Ask her if you have done something she didn’t like, when she reaches for the weed. 

Dear Hyapatia,
My boyfriend is kinda pushy in bed. He tells me what to do and which positions he wants to do and stuff. It has always bothered me a little, and now it is pissing me off. I don’t quite know how to make him not be like that. — Mandy

Dear Mandy,
Try getting him real high on some good indica and see if that calms him down a bit. Of course, I always think sitting down and talking about it is the best policy. Just ask him if he always has to be so dominant in bed; tell him that sometimes you would like to choose the next position or when to do whatever. Explain that he comes off kinda pushy and it is a turn off for you. Some guys mistake roughness and dominance for masculinity. They think that acting this way makes them more macho. Explain to him that it does not. Let him know that a gentle, compassionate and respectful man is virile and sexy to you and the kind of guy you are hoping to make love to.

Ask Hyapatia all of your questions regarding stoner sexuality. Email her at
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