Stoner Sex: Transitioning, Sex Addiction, Dirty Talk & Cock Blockin’ Dogs

Hello Hyapatia,
My name is Diedra, and I am currently taking hormones in preparation for my sex reassignment surgery. I am a woman trapped in a man’s body. I have done all kinds of therapy and am finally getting my dream come true. I don’t want anything to make it less than as successful as it can be, which brings me to smoking weed. I smoke, a lot. Should I stop smoking? I am afraid to tell my doctor. I am afraid if he knew he might not do the surgery. Have you heard of anyone going through the sex change that smoked? Did it affect them in any way? — Diedra 

Dear Diedra,
I am sorry, I really can’t give medical advice, but my gut reaction is that it is of nature and the earth, and we have perfect receptors for cannabinoids to fit right into, so I wouldn’t think it could do any harm. I have not known anyone personally who transitioned and smoked. I have had several surgeries and did not cut back on my consumption either before or after any of them and all went well. If you are smoking, it could affect your lungs’ ability to deal with general anesthesia, so you may want to consider switching to edibles or vaping before surgery for a few weeks to clear your lungs out.

Dear Hyapatia
My boyfriend and I have sex a lot. Like, five or six times a day. Some of our friends say we are addicted to sex. It doesn’t seem like all that strange to me. Are we sex addicts? — Annette

Dear Annette,
Five or six times a day is a bit excessive, but if you two can get all the stuff done in a day that you need to do and are happy, then so what? It really isn’t anyone else’s business. There have been times in my life, when a relationship was new and exciting, that I have had sex five or six times a day also, but not for more than a month or two. But, again, if you are both happy, that is all that matters.

Dear Hyapatia,
My girlfriend don’t want to fuck unless we are real high and the music is jammin’.  That was cool with me for a while, but there are dry times ,and it’s hard enough to go without something to smoke. She don’t need to be making it harder by making me go without sex too. I like loud music too, but she talks really quietly, and I really get off on dirty talk. I want to be able to hear her moan and groan and beg for more. — Jared

Dear Jared,
Have you told your girlfriend how much you like her sexy voice and how you can’t hear it over the music? Tell her how it turns you on. If that doesn’t work, you could suggest turning it down just a bit, “so you don’t bother the neighbors” (wink). As for her having to be stoned to have sex, that’s not right. Something is up there. Has she been sexually abused in the past? Usually, people who need to be stoned for sex have had a bad experience in the past they are trying to forget about. Try a little heart-to-heart talk about how in this day and age, very few people are able to smoke anytime they want. Maybe something else would help her, like a hot bath, a rub with sexy massage oils, candles and of course, a little (soft) music. 

Dear Hyapatia,
My girlfriend has this dog. The dog hates me. Every time I kiss her or hold hands or put my arm around her, the dog jumps up between us. I am not afraid of the dog, but it is a big distraction. I have asked her to take him to obedience school or something, but she refuses. I suggested she leave the dog home when she comes over here, but she says the dog makes her feel safe when she is out. I understand that, but there has to be a way to get this dog to settle down and accept the fact we are together now. I think we should give the dog a little weed to make him chill. She is concerned this will hurt the dog, but I have heard of people getting their pets stoned all the time. — Phil

Dear Phil,
Yes, you can count me in with the people who have gotten their pets stoned. I had a Siberian Husky that would eat any weed left out. My cat loves it when I blow smoke in her face. She won’t get her face out of my smoke. I don’t think getting a pet mildly stoned is going to do it any harm. When I was growing outside, deer were a big problem because they liked it so much. I am sure there are many other animals that have eaten it in the wild. Just don’t overdo it and make sure she is on board with this. Just use a little, remember how much smaller our pets are. Another approach that might help you is to bring treats to the dog frequently. Pig’s ears, chew toys, bones or even a hamburger now and then can get you off the dog’s shit list and make you his favorite friend. Once he sees you are not going to take his owner away from him and that you are a welcomed addition, I am sure he will come around.

Ask Hyapatia all of your questions regarding stoner sexuality. Email her at hya@hightimes.com
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