Stoner Sex: Swingers Clubs, Male Dancing, Moving in Together & Stoned Driving

Dear Hyapatia,
We have these friends who are members of a swingers club. My boyfriend thinks this is a good idea for us to try. I am not so sure. I mean, these are people I am attracted to and can see me going to bed with, but I don’t know how this is going to affect our relationship, you know? My girlfriend wants us to join them; I think she wants to have sex with my husband. I am worried that this could lead to an affair. Am I just being silly? — Janice

Dear Janice,
No, you are not being silly, these things happen, but that doesn’t mean they have to end in an affair. If your boyfriend is loyal to you, he will not fall for someone else just because they had sex. There is more to a relationship than sex, and if you are both smart enough to see that, there is no harm in swinging—if you both want to and you practice safe sex. 

Dear Hyapatia,
My lady is a dancer. She is super hot and works at one of the finest clubs in the country. She brings home lots of money in tips. I must say, I am jealous, but not like you would think. I know she isn’t fooling around on the side or anything, but I wish I could make that kind of money! There is nothing I can do to compete with that, and I feel like I am not doing what I should as the man in the relationship. I don’t want her to quit, but that would make me feel better. I know she would never do it, and I would be stupid to ask her to, after all, she makes most of the money. Do dudes make good money dancing? I am not bad looking, and I could shake it as well as the next guy. How do I get started in this? — Mike

Dear Mike,
If you really want to dance, go for it! I don’t know where you are, so I can’t guide you to the nearest ladies club, but you can do the research on that. Guys make the most money when they form a review. If you can get a few other guys to join you, work out some choreography and start in some nice classy suits or something else, that is hot. You could plan a theme show, with music and clothes that match your theme, like, a firefighter or cop or something like that. Those usually do better than just a good looking guy stripping. Play into the women’s fantasies. There can be good money in it, depending on where you are and how well you can dance. Women tend to tip more than guys do on average, and good male dancers and reviews are in high demand. 

Dear Hyapatia,
I want my girlfriend to move in with me. We have been going together for almost a year, and we get along great. It just makes sense that she should live here. It’s stupid that she has to get up before dawn to go home and get ready for work. She would be better off just getting ready here.It would save a bunch of time and money, since she wouldn’t have to pay for her place. I keep asking her, but she says she doesn’t like all the traffic here. I have a bunch of friends that hang out here all the time. She gets along great with my homies, so I don’t see the problem. Do you have any idea what might be keeping her from moving in? — Jake

Dear Jake,
It could be that she is concerned about privacy. What if she wants to be alone, but the house is hoppin’? If she hangs out by herself in the bedroom, she may look like a snob or something. Maybe you could find a way to show her she can have her privacy any time she needs it at your place. That might help. Some people like to be around others all the time, and other people prefer to be around just a few people, or alone. Neither is better, it’s just a matter of preference.

Dear Hyapatia,
My girlfriend is a horrible driver ,and when she gets stoned, it is terrifying. I have tried to tell her, but she gets mad and says I am bitching at her. I am, but it is because I am afraid for my life! She stops at green lights, ignores red ones, changes lanes without looking and all kinds of things that make me flip. I try to take the keys first, but she always throws a fit. I have started to just put up with the fit, but now it is messing with our relationship. She thinks I bitch at everything she does; that isn’t true, just the driving. I worry about her when she is alone and try to offer to take her places, but she sees right through that. I don’t want to lose her, either through complaining about her driving or because of her bad driving. — Aron 

Dear Aron,
You are doing the right thing. She may be pissed, but at least she is alive. It is too bad you can’t show her how she drives sometime when she is at home and not stoned. If you can keep emphasizing how much you care about her and don’t want her to be hurt, she shouldn’t be too pissed. After all, you are just showing your concern for her safety.

Ask Hyapatia all of your questions regarding stoner sexuality. Email her at
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