Stoner Sex: Not Getting It Up, Giggling, Sex Therapy & Garden-Variety Issues

Hey Hyapatia,
I am very embarrassed to tell you about my problem. When I smoke a lot of weed, I have a hard time doing what needs to be done in bed, if you know what I mean. My girl never complains, she just keeps sucking and trying to get me up. She is a real good sport about it. What can I do to avoid this? I mean, besides not getting high, that isn’t an option. — Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,
Are you smoking an indica? You might try switching to only sativas or a hybrid strain before sex. Or it might help to wait until after sex to smoke. Viagra and Cialis are very popular for a reason—lots of guys use them because this is a common problem. You may want to consult a doctor if these suggestions, relaxation techniques and abstaining for a while don’t help things.

Hya,
My girlfriend has a problem. When we get high and then go to have sex, she giggles all the time. She says she is ticklish. She laughs and giggles so much, it is impossible to go on. Why is this? It doesn’t really seem like she is avoiding sex or anything to me because when she isn’t high, we have sex with no problem. No crazy giggling all the time. It is starting to get annoying because we both like to smoke after dinner and until bedtime. Is there anything I can do to stop it? — Clowning Around in Arkansas

Dear Clowning Around,
Try giving her a massage with oils and candles and low light on a night when you haven’t consumed. Hopefully, she will get used to you touching her body and not laughing, so moving right into sex should be a breeze. Then, when you try the same thing on a night when she is high, she should be a little less sensitive, at least in theory. It seems to me that the nervous laughter is a result of her letting her guard down and her real self out. When she isn’t high, she may put up a sort of barrier to her inner self. You have brought out that inner self with the weed and how comfortable she feels with you. That is a compliment to you and how she feels about you.

Dear Hyapatia,
My man likes to get stoned a lot. I do too, but not like him. He smokes joint after joint after joint. I get good and high with him in the first joint or two and am feeling all sexy and shit, and he just keeps lighting them up. Why is it that he puts off having sex with me so he can keep smoking? At some point, aren’t you just as high as you can get and just wasting the weed? — Rhonda

Dear Rhonda,
I am sorry to hear he is putting off sex with you for another joint! Most guys would love to smoke a bit and then get it on. Does he have some performance anxiety? If he has no problems in that department, does he sometimes act timid during sex? Are you usually the instigator? If so, you may want to consider a sex therapist. There may be some underlying reason for his behavior.

Hyapatia,
My girlfriend is driving me crazy! She is always coming in my garden when I am in there and messing with things. She doesn’t know what she is doing, but she thinks she’s helping. She accidentally breaks off branches, takes leaves off my plants that should stay on, moves my nutrients around and stuff, and then I can’t find anything. I don’t want to offend her, but I have to make her stop this. How can I tell her to cut it out without hurting her feelings and starting a fight? — Calvin

Dear Calvin,
Is there some small job she could do that would keep her busy and make her feel like she is helping? Maybe she could clean the outside of your containers or sweep the floor in an area with no plants. How about wiping down the walls with a light mixture of water and bleach to keep the mold and bugs down?  That would get her away from the plants to avoid further damage, and she would feel like she is helping you and doing her share.

Ask Hyapatia all of your questions regarding stoner sexuality. Email her at hya@hightimes.com
Last Week’s Stoner Sex: Cheaters, Work Wives, Bogarting Joints & Priorities