Stoner Sex: Dating Dealers, MMJ Facts, Painful Anal & Water-Based Lubes

Dear Hyapatia,
My boyfriend sells weed, and I realize that means our place is always busy. We are never alone. That sucks. I need to have some space from all these people and some private time with my man, you know? He says he understands, but nothing has changed. There has to be a better way. We really need some quiet time alone to reconnect. What can I do to make him see that I am at the end of my rope? I mean it. I am ready to leave. I still love him, but I can’t put up with all this. I feel like my home is being invaded. I never get any space unless I go hide in the bedroom. I am not comfortable in my own home. Should I just give up and move out? — Amanda

Dear Amanda,
I know how crazy it can get in a house with constant activity, but this is a business. It sounds like your man is a hard worker and that is a good thing. Perhaps he could meet his customers at their homes for a while, but then he would be gone a lot, so be prepared for that. Maybe he could set some boundaries with hours that he is available. All businesses have hours they are open and closed. One of the problems with having your own business is that you are always working. Run the idea past your man and see what he thinks.

I smoke pot for medical reasons. I have extreme back pain from working construction for nine years. Pot helps me to get out of bed in the morning. If I don’t smoke, I need pain meds, and they make me groggy all day long. I think this is very dangerous, and I probably shouldn’t be driving or anything else where I could hurt myself or others. It’s a no-brainer to me. My wife doesn’t get it. She thinks I am just wanting to smoke a lot of pot and “wake and bake” every day. If she had to deal with the pain I have, she wouldn’t ever get out of bed. This is so maddening to me. I have tried to make her understand. Lately, she has started to refuse to have sex as a punishment. If I have been “good” all week, she will have sex. Otherwise, I am on my own. I really got to make her understand. I need some ammunition (information) to hit her with. I don’t want to leave her, we have been together for so long. — Mike

Dear Mike,
It is amazingly easy to overdose on Tylenol, and it is available over the counter. Over 200 drugs contain acetaminophen, so it is very easy to take more than you intended. In cases where the patient survives the overdose, the liver is often destroyed or damaged. This is but one of hundreds of examples of medications that can cause severe health risks, and even death, if taken improperly, and we haven’t even started on prescription medications, which are much more dangerous. No one has ever died from too much marijuana. Overdoses may cause munchies and sleepiness. That’s all. To me, this is the ultimate fact that makes using marijuana for pain relief just plain common sense. Dr. Sanjay Gupta and others are discovering the many benefits of cannabis and sharing their findings with the world. I hope she can see the light soon. You do not deserve to be treated this way.

Dearest Hyapatia,
I enjoy reading your answers, and we like to talk about them. We were talking about the girl who wanted to try anal sex, and my boyfriend said something like “I wish you were like that.” Well, sorry, but it is a one-way street back there for me. I don’t understand why women would want to do that. It sounds painful to me. I thought only porn stars and prostitutes did it up the ass. My boyfriend won’t drop the subject though. It is like he is a dog with a bone. He just won’t let it go. I am getting really tired of hearing it. How can I get him to forget it? — Ashley

Dear Ashley,
Not all women want to try anal sex, that is for sure! No one should ever be talked into doing something they really do not want to do. While there are average, everyday women who enjoy anal sex now and then and some who like it on a regular basis, it is NOT for everyone, and if you’re not into it, it will be painful. There are many, many sexual activities, and I don’t believe I have ever met someone who is into everything. And I have met some pretty wild people! Everyone has their limits. I am sure your boyfriend has something he would never want to do in bed.  He should be able to understand that not wanting to have anal sex is just like him not wanting to do whatever it is that he would never want to do.

Dear Hyapatia,
I fucked up and I am tired of hearing about it. I guess I committed a mortal sin. My girlfriend and I were in bed, and I reached for some lube. We had never used lube in bed before. The problem was that I used Vaseline. She had a shit fit. She told me that gasoline-based products are bad for the sensitive tissue of the vagina and that at my age I should have known better. I felt like an idiot. Is this really a thing? That you shouldn’t use Vaseline? — Brian

Dear Brian,
Yes, it is a real thing. It is much better to use a water-based lube. You are not the only person that does not know this, I am sure. Everyone makes mistakes. I know I learn something new every day. I am glad to learn new things and appreciate those who teach me. No one should ever put someone down for not knowing something, and they certainly shouldn’t continuously bring it up! That is when they become a bully.

Ask Hyapatia all of your questions regarding stoner sexuality. Email her at
Last Week’s Stoner Sex: Not Getting It Up, Giggling, Sex Therapy & Garden-Variety Issues


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