Stoner Sex: Cheaters, Work Wives, Bogarting Joints & Priorities

Dear Hyapatia,
I am so sick and tired of men right now I could scream. The last five boyfriends I have had were cheating on me. I want to try women. What is the best way for someone new to lesbianism to try and meet girls who smoke like I do? — Fed Up

Dear Fed Up,
I don’t mean to be bitchy or anything, but, after having that many boyfriends cheat on you, I would start looking in the mirror. Is there something you could be doing to push these guys toward other women or is there something other women will do that you won’t? Men are pretty basic: they either want something they are not getting from you or you are finding yourself attracted to men who do not want to stick to one woman for very long. I think you are right to take a break from guys for a while, but that doesn’t mean you have to immediately turn to women. Try being independent and on your own for a while. Focus on yourself, and then, if you meet someone interesting, regardless of what sex they are, you may want to get to know them better.

Dear Hyapatia,
There is this guy at work I am very attracted to. He and I take smoke breaks together, and we both like dabs and flowers and are soooo compatible in many other ways. There is only one problem. He’s married. They fight a lot, but I don’t know if he’ll ever really divorce her or if they just fight. We have not talked about her. Every day I look forward to seeing him at work, and he and I are getting closer and closer. I want him so bad I can’t stand it. How can I get him to be with me? I don’t want to do it at work, so I have to figure out a way to get him alone away from work. I’m very confused. I really like him a lot, but I don’t want to be the other woman. — Debbie

Dear Debbie,
That is a difficult situation. It may be hard, but it is best that you try to keep your cool. Don’t say or do anything you may regret later. Remember, if you were with him, you wouldn’t want him cheating on you. Does he feel the same way about you? Perhaps you could pull back from the relationship and give him a chance to let you know how he feels. Are there children involved? You don’t want to break up a family. It’s probably best to keep your relationship in the “best buds” stage unless he breaks up with his wife.

Hey Hyapatia,
My girlfriend hogs the weed. She always holds onto the joint and just talks and smokes until it is almost gone. I light it and give it to her, and by the time I get it back, I don’t want to give it to her again because if I do, there won’t be anything left at all when I get it back. I am serious. Not exaggerating at all. I don’t mean to come off as stingy or whatever, but this was annoying in the beginning; now it just really pisses me off. — Paul

Dear Paul,
Have you thought about rolling two joints and giving her one and you just hold on to the other? That may be your best approach. If she asks why, be honest, but try to take all the anger out of your voice. Just give her the facts. 

Hyapatia,
My girl and I love to get high at the end of the day and then have a great hour or so of lovemaking. She is very sexy and I can hardly keep my hands off of her. I really shouldn’t complain, but we hardly get started before she is all on me and shit. I love it and all, but I really did want to get a bit high first. Is that my bad? — Josh

Dear Josh,
You have every right to want to catch a buzz before getting it on. There is nothing wrong with that. Maybe you could get a jump start on your buzz before you both sit down together? I mean, it seems like she wouldn’t miss it much. Her objective appears to be getting off above getting high. There is nothing wrong with that either. It is just a difference of preferences and priorities.  

Ask Hyapatia all of your questions regarding stoner sexuality. Email her at hya@hightimes.com
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