Stoner Sex: Broken Penises, Squirting, Easy Bondage & Weed Whores

Dear Hyapatia,
I was having beautiful sex with my girlfriend, when her big dog jumped on the bed and my dick got bent really bad. It has hurt ever since. I don’t want to go to the doctor, but it has been three days now. Am I going to be like this forever? — Mark 

Dear Mark,
It is possible to break your penis. In this case, you would wear a brace or cast and refrain from sexual activity for a while. You may have just bruised it. Either way, I would go see a doctor. Believe me, they have seen worse. At least you don’t have a strange foreign object that needs to be removed!

Dear Hyapatia,
My boyfriend and I love to get high. We smoke a great indica and get wasted. Having sex feels like fucking in the clouds. My boyfriend pays great attention to me in bed, giving me great oral love. He is a bit frustrated though, because I have not had a female ejaculation. I have heard about them from him, and he very much wants me to have one. What is wrong with me that I can’t squirt when I come. He has even shown me movies of it because at first, I didn’t think it was real. — Candy

Dear Candy,
Not all women can do that. Some of us are content to come without squirting. Some people say it is urine; some argue that it is not. There is a lot of talk about it now, so if any of you out there have personal stories, please share them!  

Dear Hyapatia,
I have recently experimented with being tied up, and I like it. My boyfriend was reluctant to try it at first, but I talked him into it and it really turns me on. I have never come so fast and so often. My problem is he gets high with me, and we talk before sex, and whenever I ask for him to tie me up, he gets all lazy and says it is too much trouble. He would rather spend time having oral sex or just fucking. What can I do to make him more into it? — Melody

Dear Melody,
I have a girlfriend that has a dungeon in New York, and she says tying people up all day is exhausting. By the time she is ready to go home, her hands hurt from tightening the ropes all day. Perhaps if you smoked a sativa-heavy strain, he would have more energy. I know there are plenty of others who would love to take his place, but he can still be your one and only, if he just puts a little more effort into it. Check out bondage shops. Some restraints have Velcro for a quick tie and release. There are all kinds of things you can do and use that will make it easier for him.

Dear Hyapatia,
I am afraid I look like a weed whore. What I mean is, I always fall for my dealer. I don’t do this on purpose, it just happens. I have found myself attracted to the last four guys I have bought from. When I fell for the last one, I realized the pattern, and so I did not hit on him, even though I wanted to. These relationships never last. They never work out. Sometimes I get to have sex with them, but not always. What is wrong with me? — Carla

Dear Carla,
I don’t think anything is really wrong with you. At some point in our lives, nearly everyone, male and female, goes through a stage where they are attracted to several people in a short time. It is just hormones doing their job, and there is nothing wrong with that. It is natural to be attracted to those we see most often, and if you are like me, your dealer is your best friend! These things happen all the time.

Ask Hyapatia all of your questions regarding stoner sexuality. Email her at
Last Week’s Stoner Sex: Practicing Patience, Psoriasis, Dangerous Flirting & Expectations


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