Stoner Sex: Real Buzz Kills, Communication Troubles, Sex Films & the Golden Age of Porn

Dear Hyapatia,
I work in a gentlemen’s club as a dancer with about 20 other girls. We all share a dressing room but have separate lockers. Our manager is really cool, and we get high back there on our breaks. We take turns bringing smoke. Whenever I take some buds in, my boyfriend throws a hissy fit.  He thinks I should only smoke with him and never anyone else or by myself. I feel like he is trying to control me and that pisses me off. We share the cost of our smoke, but I make more money than he does, so I end up paying for most of it. He sells some to help out, but somehow I never see that money. I am getting tired of making up stupid excuses for not having something to share. How can I get through to him? — Claire

Dear Claire,
I think there is not going to be a way to get through to him because in his mind it is not about the weed, but about controlling you. You said it, he thinks you should never smoke unless you are with him. Wow. What crazy rule is he going to lay down next? Does he refrain from getting high when you are not there? This business about you paying more than your fair share makes me think you would be better off without the drama and bullshit. If you are paying for the smoke, you can do that without him, and then he can’t try to tell you what to do. He sounds like a real buzz kill.

My girlfriend and I have been together for a couple of months now. I always look forward to getting home from work just to be with her. When we sit down and relax at the end of the day, or on the weekend, we always get high. This makes me extremely horny. I can’t keep my hands off of her. She is so hot, and I think about having sex with her all day. I guess I must have pissed her off because now she doesn’t want to sit down at the end of the day with me anymore, and we haven’t had sex in almost a week. We didn’t have an argument or anything. I have no idea what I did wrong? I ask her what’s the matter, and she says “nothing.” Why are girls so moody like this? Can you help me out? — Allen

Dear Allen,
If she won’t come out and tell you what is wrong, you are going to have to do some digging. Think back to what happened just before you noticed her distancing herself from you. Your email said that when you get high with her, you get very horny and now it has been almost a week since you have had sex. Could it be that she doesn’t get horny every time she gets high, and your advances seemed pushy to her? Perhaps she just wants to sit and get high without having sex. Does this make sense to you? If it fits, great, if not, then you have no choice but to actually sit down and talk with her. Tell her you cannot be sure why she has changed her sexual behavior toward you without open communication. She might have a hard time coming out and saying why, but if you share a fatty, without getting physical, it should help.

Dear Hyapatia,
I like to watch sex films, and then fuck, and so does my man. We watch them while we are doing it. I have two problems. First, I noticed he was watching the movie while we were doing it more than he was looking at me. This didn’t bother me at first, but then after a while, I felt insulted, you know? Then secondly, he wants me to do all the shit he sees in the movie. There is no way I am doing some of that crap. I ain’t no porn star and don’t want no dick up my ass! Why can’t he just stop asking? — K

Dear K,
First off, I think you guys should turn off the TV before you start to do it. It can be too distracting when you need to be concentrating on each other. If he doesn’t want to do that, tell him you get distracted looking at all those good looking guys with the really big dicks (as compared to his) and that should do it! Secondly, explain that porn stars do many things for big bucks one time on camera and that you are NOT a porn star, but most women are not into anal sex.

Dear Hyapatia,
I read that back in “The Golden Age of Porn” there were all kinds of drugs on the movie sets and in the casting rooms. What kind of drugs did you guys do? Was it just pot or other things? Did you go to any wild parties or orgies with lots of coke or anything? — Brian

Dear Brian,
Oh yes, there were many parties, Plato’s Retreat in New York City was a favorite party spot, and you could do ANYTHING there. In LA, we had parties at private homes. In Vegas at the Consumer Electronic Shows, there were parties sponsored by the production companies. Usually, people smoked pot and did coke, but it wasn’t out in the open. Not too many guys did cocaine on the set because it is hard for them to get it up when they are high on coke. Many people smoked weed on set though.I remember one time on set everyone was wearing their own microphone, and we all forgot about it after a while. The sound man could still hear everyone talking though, and he overheard a conversation about selling an eight ball of coke. He called the producer over to listen in. After a while, he marched into the dressing room where he promptly fired the guys involved. I don’t think that kind of thing goes on much anymore, but I haven’t been involved in the business for over 20 years, so I am not sure. 

Ask Hyapatia all of your questions regarding stoner sexuality. Email her at
Last Week’s Stoner Sex: Pot Haters, Comfort Zone, Clit Contact & Talking Dirty


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