Stoner Sex: Making Out, Celibacy, Sneaking Around & Smoking in Bed

My lady and I smoke a lot of weed, but she smokes a bit more than I do. When we make out, she is always really stoned. Just once, I would like to see what it is like to make out without being high. I haven’t asked her yet, and I think she will be OK with that, but I am now having second thoughts. Maybe it will be bad, and I will find out she really isn’t into me. Should I go through with this or not? — Jerry

Dear Jerry,
I think you are putting an awful lot of stock in your weed. I don’t think being straight or not is going to make that much of a difference. She might be a little more inhibited, or a bit more energetic, or just the same. If you really want to try it, I don’t think you are taking a risk on finding out she really doesn’t care for you.

Dear Hyapatia,
I just met this great guy. We met two weeks ago. He is really cool. He wants to have sex, but I have been celibate for two years and am not quite ready. I can see doing it with him, but the more he pressures me, the more I don’t want to. Am I just being silly about this? Should I just go ahead? I do want to, just not quite yet. — Sara

Dear Sara,
You have to follow your heart. If it doesn’t feel like the right time, trust your instincts. You have only known him for two weeks. If he is pressuring you for sex already, what other things will he do that you don’t like? You need more time to get to know him better, and there is nothing wrong with that. Everyone has their own pace, and we all have different paces at different times in our lives. He needs to know you are worth waiting for, and so do you. 

I have been hiding my smoking from my girlfriend for a long time. I mean, years. She knows I smoke, just not how much. She smokes too, just not nearly as much as I do. She gets bitchy when I smoke around her too much. I want to come clean now. I am tired of hiding it and having to go out of my home to get high. I want to smoke my weed on my couch, while watching my TV and not be bitched at. Is that too much to ask? I work hard, I pay for my weed and she never even misses the money. I don’t want her bitching at me or sleeping on the couch to avoid me because she is mad that I smoked more weed than she thought I should. Should I just put my foot down or what? — Mitch

Dear Mitch
Yes, put your foot down! It is your home like you said, you work hard enough to pay for it without taking away from things you need so, fuck it! You are an adult, and you should be able to do what you want without sneaking around like a teenager hiding from a parent. She is just going to have to deal with it. And if she sleeps on the couch a few nights, fine, she will get over it eventually. Just remind her you are a free man, you earn it, she should shut up over it. It doesn’t affect her life in the least bit.

Dear Hyapatia,
My man and I smoke after we have sex. I want to get out of bed to smoke, but he wants to stay there. He says he is spent. I don’t think it is safe to smoke in bed. He says weed isn’t treated with chemicals to make it keep burning like cigarettes are. I don’t care; I still think it is dangerous. He has fallen asleep a couple of times and I am glad I was up to save his ass. I really wish he wouldn’t do this. — Meg

Dear Meg,
Tell him you care about him and worry about him and that he has fallen asleep with the joint and you have saved you both from a possible fire. When the cherry falls out and onto the carpet, it burns, just like it does on sheets or a mattress. I wouldn’t take the chance. If you can’t get him to get up, tell him he cannot have any because you care about him and don’t want him hurt. I would continue to stay up and make sure everything is safe even though he is up. I have seen people do some pretty mindless things after sex. It’s like they literally just came their brains out sometimes.

Ask Hyapatia all of your questions regarding stoner sexuality. Email her at
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